Jugerbomb for the soul

Yes, Jugerbomb bomb for the soul. Who would have thought a drunken dress up night out with your mates could go so far to heal that emotional tumble dryer.
We have been talking up this 30th for weeks now. In a way it is sad how excited a bunch of 30 year old parents can get for a night out on the town. In my world with excitement comes the ever existent mommy guilt. Now in a rational brain and not a mommy brain, the thought process would be; you have had your kids at home for 6 weeks over the christmas holidays and you deserve a special night out. The other factor is that my husband also deserves a night out with his wife and not his children's mother. Regardless before any such event I feel nervous guilt, questioning my responsibilities to my children.
This past week was filled with emotional turmoil. My baby started school for the first time. After 2 1/2 years of being home with mommy, the day arrived. I have been talking up this day for months, laughing it off saying that my christmas day is when I drop both kids at school and run from the gates screaming my new found freedom. In reality it is a day I have been dreading. I equate having to forcibly remove a child from you that is clinging on for dear life screaming "no mommy, I want to come home with you" to ripping a small piece of your heart away. Yes, I know I know, children have to go to school and they will enjoy it, they will thrive on the stimulation blah blah blah... This mommy does not cope well. Listening to all the advice being dolled out over past week, I am still wondering what actually is the best thing to say to that mommy sitting in her car in the parking lot sobbing. My friend had same situation this week, while she was telling me, I caught myself regurgitating the same drivel I had to endure all week and yet still can't come up with a good one-liner.
While managing your emotions of the event, you also need to take into account the feelings of the older child. My oldest started Grade R this week, this meant he moved into "big school". As excited as he was, it came with those butterflies of the unknown. He told me in car on way school that doesn't actually think he is ready and needs a few more days to prepare himself for school. I listened to myself telling the boys all these wonderful things about school while trying not to vomit from the anxious knot in my tummy.
When the school bell rang on Friday I was so relieved that we had all survived the week and were now a little stronger. I could move my thoughts to the problem of the outfit. I love dress up parties. I feel that you should go to some if not a lot of effort for the person that is throwing the party. But, the theme of this particular party showed off some unfortunate side effects of my mommy worry, that being the extra 20kg that does not squeeze so easily into the CEO and office Ho theme. Thanks to the team at wonder bra that unintentionally I am sure designed bras that help you put all that excess into a cup and squeeze it together to form some semblance of a cleavage that can put a big tick on fancy dress box. Outfit sorted, kids dropped at granny and daiquiri in hand to numb the rising guilt about leaving my baby for a night after he has had to endure being left at school against his will all week.
While dancing to some loud cheesy music with a strobe flashing in my eyes, surrounded by people that are just all excepting, I found the answer to the sobbing mommy in the car. I woke up on Sunday morning, a little hung over, feet blistered from squeaking some takkie, satisfied from great drunken uninhibited sex feeling like human again. So sometimes you just need to throw those granny panties on the floor put on something uncomfortable and go and be... I have titled mine Jugerbomb for the soul.