Do you worry how happy your kids are. This is a constant in my life. It is also one of my biggest disillusions about parenthood. I have played with kids my entire life and I really believed kids were ultimately happy. I saw the kids throwing tantrums in shops and fighting with siblings but I really thought this was the odd occasion. I was wrong! I do believe I have set the bar on my kids happiness too high, but as a naturally happy person I was sure that adding the fact that my kids were kids it would be constant happy.
What I was not expecting is life of persistent fighting them to do things. In my head, kids bounced into the car, ran excitedly to school, super hyped about a party and would run around constantly playing games and causing mischief. What I did not realise is that all these activities can be preceded by a suitcase full of anxiety.
My oldest is far more anxious than I am geared for. Something like bike day at school, which I would think would be so exciting, can cause a sleepless night, followed by school refusal, having to pull him off me sobbing when the bell rings. Ultimately it was the super fun but the slight change in routine and fear of the unknown and unexpected definitely impacts on the full experience.
These events of course lead down the path of self blame and guilt over being the less than perfect parent. What am I doing wrong that he does not run off shouting for joy about being alive.
Now that I am no longer seeing kids through Emerald City green glasses, I have noticed I am not alone. It is comforting in some ways but also distressing at the same time. I see how stressed everyone is majority of the time and this must be feeding down to our kids. Moms trying to be a stay at home mom while running a business from her smart phone, Dad working harder so mom can do both and still afford our lifestyle. I read articles about bringing up happy kids and for the most part doing it, but is it enough?
I wake up in morning saying that I am not going to shout today, kids going to get undivided attention and I am going to be a picture of inner peace and calm. "I don't want pancakes anymore I want toast" "That shirt itches me" "I can't walk myself, carry me" "I wanted to put my seatbelt on myself" "What have you planned for today" "That's boring" "Ummphh" "You did not answer me first" "You only do things for my brother" "I wanted that one" "I wanted the blue cup".Inner peace is replaced by crazy mommy tantrum.
I still strive everyday to make that the happiest, most memorable day of my kids life. Some days I get closer to the unreachable than others.
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