Do you worry how happy your kids are. This is a constant in my life. It is also one of my biggest disillusions about parenthood. I have played with kids my entire life and I really believed kids were ultimately happy. I saw the kids throwing tantrums in shops and fighting with siblings but I really thought this was the odd occasion. I was wrong! I do believe I have set the bar on my kids happiness too high, but as a naturally happy person I was sure that adding the fact that my kids were kids it would be constant happy.
What I was not expecting is life of persistent fighting them to do things. In my head, kids bounced into the car, ran excitedly to school, super hyped about a party and would run around constantly playing games and causing mischief. What I did not realise is that all these activities can be preceded by a suitcase full of anxiety.
My oldest is far more anxious than I am geared for. Something like bike day at school, which I would think would be so exciting, can cause a sleepless night, followed by school refusal, having to pull him off me sobbing when the bell rings. Ultimately it was the super fun but the slight change in routine and fear of the unknown and unexpected definitely impacts on the full experience.
These events of course lead down the path of self blame and guilt over being the less than perfect parent. What am I doing wrong that he does not run off shouting for joy about being alive.
Now that I am no longer seeing kids through Emerald City green glasses, I have noticed I am not alone. It is comforting in some ways but also distressing at the same time. I see how stressed everyone is majority of the time and this must be feeding down to our kids. Moms trying to be a stay at home mom while running a business from her smart phone, Dad working harder so mom can do both and still afford our lifestyle. I read articles about bringing up happy kids and for the most part doing it, but is it enough?
I wake up in morning saying that I am not going to shout today, kids going to get undivided attention and I am going to be a picture of inner peace and calm. "I don't want pancakes anymore I want toast" "That shirt itches me" "I can't walk myself, carry me" "I wanted to put my seatbelt on myself" "What have you planned for today" "That's boring" "Ummphh" "You did not answer me first" "You only do things for my brother" "I wanted that one" "I wanted the blue cup".Inner peace is replaced by crazy mommy tantrum.
I still strive everyday to make that the happiest, most memorable day of my kids life. Some days I get closer to the unreachable than others.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Sunday, August 11, 2013
She has milk in her Boobs!
"She has milk in her boobs" A comment I have heard a few times in my life. As a midwife, mom and friend my view on breastfeeding is not a secret. I try stick to my pro choice about everything in life but on this topic I find it difficult. Yesterday my son of near 5 ran up to a friend of mine that was feeding her baby. He went to lift the blanket to see the baby and say hello. Immediately I said wait she is feeding him, not because I did not want my son to see but because I was not sure how the mom felt about it. And of course little boys comments have little tact, " He is drinking milk from her Boob", with that naughty, I think this might be rude giggle. Then he ran off to go play.
This got me thinking to a few of my experiences and how I felt about. One that sticks out is sitting at my in laws house, off to the room to feed baby; because public feeding makes others uncomfortable; my niece asked if she could help, she runs to the kitchen to fetch a bottle, confused that I dont have any she follows me to the room. She sits quietly next to me just watching, I am waiting to answer the questions that I can see spinning through her brain, she gets up and says she just needs to tell her mom something. I hear her announce to the lounge that "she has milk in her boobs".
When it was time for baby number 2, I thought best to do some research on how to handle the topic with your toddler. The advice ranged from letting your toddler resume breastfeeding and dual feed to only bottle feed the 2 to avoid the uncomfortable topic. So advice was no use, I thought I would just wait and see what happend. It started off as mild interest, sometimes jealousy, then intense need to know. What does the milk taste like? I expressed some into a cup for him and it was met with a Ugggh that is yuck with a I just poisoned him face, sometimes jealousy, can I drink from your boobs? My choice on this topic was NO! You have had your turn. Then there is the ever funny and I have great video footage of the breast pump attached to his boob and he trying desparately to extract some milk for his brother, his 21st is going to be so much fun. Ultimately he found feeding time either boring or a time when mom can sit and build puzzles, lego or read books as she has 2 hands and her boobs can stretch in all sorts of directions. The baby of course goes into monkey mode, hanging on for dear life so as not to lose out.
I loved breast feeding my kids, it was hard at times, I moaned sometimes but when it came to weaning my youngest I felt so sad, he was ready a while before I was. I cried the day he took the bottle willing from me and never asked again.
This got me thinking to a few of my experiences and how I felt about. One that sticks out is sitting at my in laws house, off to the room to feed baby; because public feeding makes others uncomfortable; my niece asked if she could help, she runs to the kitchen to fetch a bottle, confused that I dont have any she follows me to the room. She sits quietly next to me just watching, I am waiting to answer the questions that I can see spinning through her brain, she gets up and says she just needs to tell her mom something. I hear her announce to the lounge that "she has milk in her boobs".
When it was time for baby number 2, I thought best to do some research on how to handle the topic with your toddler. The advice ranged from letting your toddler resume breastfeeding and dual feed to only bottle feed the 2 to avoid the uncomfortable topic. So advice was no use, I thought I would just wait and see what happend. It started off as mild interest, sometimes jealousy, then intense need to know. What does the milk taste like? I expressed some into a cup for him and it was met with a Ugggh that is yuck with a I just poisoned him face, sometimes jealousy, can I drink from your boobs? My choice on this topic was NO! You have had your turn. Then there is the ever funny and I have great video footage of the breast pump attached to his boob and he trying desparately to extract some milk for his brother, his 21st is going to be so much fun. Ultimately he found feeding time either boring or a time when mom can sit and build puzzles, lego or read books as she has 2 hands and her boobs can stretch in all sorts of directions. The baby of course goes into monkey mode, hanging on for dear life so as not to lose out.
I loved breast feeding my kids, it was hard at times, I moaned sometimes but when it came to weaning my youngest I felt so sad, he was ready a while before I was. I cried the day he took the bottle willing from me and never asked again.
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