Group chats love them but grrrr

The invention of Whatsapp by Brian Acton and Jan Koum changed my communication dramatically. Due to my dislike of actually talking on the phone most of my communications are via Whatsapp, much to my husbands dislike as he believes it is enabling my irrational fears. Now group chats really have an advantages, but grrrrr ...
1. The no one else cares.
"Little Johnny has a runny nose so won't be at school today, I am taking him to the Dr at 10, will keep you posted". What is this about? Are you too lazy to message the teacher privately, are you looking for sympathy, or do you genuinely believe that this is information for the entire class parents to know?
2. The long string of thoughtful replies
"Feel better soon Johnny", "Sally was at Dr yesterday must be going around", and of course all the heart felt emoticons. By doing this are we encouraging this behaviour,or are we genuinely supporting Johnny mom. I often feel guilted into responding as well, will my lack of response be noted.
3. The spin off "private" conversation
"Which Dr are you taking him to, I am looking for a good GP". This then explodes into a long conversation between 2 people in the chat. Message her privately or as my husband tells me daily, just phone her.
4. The late responder
Five hours after the chat about Johnny's runny nose some one is on lunch and decides to give 2 cents worth on the forgotten conversation. Yes, the entire cycle starts again.
6. The Neville no friends
A question or comment is put on the chat and hours go by and nothing. Double blue tick is there, so it has been received and read, but still nothing. Eventually the do gooder in the group can't take it anymore and will acknowledge it with a Big Hug.
7. The night owl and the early bird
I can speak for many when I say, at midnight and 4:30 am. No one cares.
8. The uncomfortable guilt
We are all caught up in the random ramblings of group chat and suddenly someone leaves the chat. That moment of whoops pissed them off, brief pause, then the blabbing continues as if the person was never there in the first place.
9. The voyeur
Yip, they are still there reading every single line.
10. Keep Calm and silence your group chats!

Load shedding is saving us one power outage at a time

Don't get me wrong, I do get irritated when I want to watch Orange is the New Black, and it is really damaging the economy with businesses not being able to operate, and of course the traffic due to traffic lights not working. There are other things that are happening that are so small and will never get reported in media, won't boost the economy, but sometimes a whole lot of small things can create something amazing.
Typically I call my kids in on school night at 6pm with grumbles of 5 more minutes and one last kick, then we bath eat and start settling down. I am tired and an episode of Master Chef jnr is very appealing, so when Dad comes home and the boys whoop with excitement that they can play Xbox with Dad and it is his problem to sort out if they are to play Lego Batman or Racing Cars. I get full power over the remote (well SVLN is still off limits for a few hours but that's ok).
This week we have been moving level 1 to 3 load shedding. Thursday we had no electricity from 2pm to 6pm, this excited my 3 year old, this meant that we could braai for supper. Having a braai and helping is a highlight in his life. At 4pm he and I got the braai out, he put in all the charcoal, we lit it together and sat watching it for a while. The complex kids were all swimming in our pool, so I threw him in the pool to wash off the black, picked up my kindle and sat with a cup of coffee reading Game of Thrones listening to the delighted sounds of Marco Polo. chicken kebab and salads for dinner left my Banting box ticked, and a content 3 year old (which is worth its weight in gold).
Friday night we are scheduled for 6pm to 11pm load shedding. I was not happy, I had a DSTV catch up full of unwatched series and a hard drive of How I Met Your Mother Season 9 and no electricity. Boys and I had had an early dinner a Spur and Dad lunch with clients so dinner was not a problem. I left the boys playing outside way longer than usual because no point sitting in a dark house when you can play in the sunshine. My 6 year old comes in and goes to his room and gets all his card games. For the next 2 hours the four of us sat on the floor and played UNO, Memory game, trumps, and snap. Some healthy rule debates in the light of our solar jars has a warm feeling to it. Bath and bedtime books by candlelight also has a certain appeal.
Saturday was the water. We had been notified for a few weeks that we would have no water for 25hrs due to routine maintenance that needed to be done. Filled up some jugs for the kettle and put a bucket out for the toilets. Now this is sounding like we live in a cave, fetching water from the river, and hunting for our dinner. What it sounds like to 2 little boys is "NO BATH TONIGHT" whoop whoop! A swim is just as effective and loads more fun.
Listening to all the conversations around, everyone was complaining that they have had enough of Eskom and they are going to spend the money and go completely solar and not give another cent towards electricity, and others were saying that if they ran the country they would do this that and the next thing. I was thinking that this is the best thing that has happened in a long time. environmentalists have been trying to get us to go solar and off the grid for years, all they had to do to save our environment is switch off the electricity for a few hours every day. If everyone put all their ideas out there, a country wide think tank would probably come up with an innovative solution. In my house, if no lights and no water means our family sitting down laughing over a card game, I say switch off the wifi, turn off the lights, I am not ready to collect my own water out the river just yet, but yes, load shedding could be just be the thing that saves us.

Kids Random Questions and Thoughts

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. ~Franklin P. Jone. 
Facebook is full of baby pics with captions of what they are really thinking. The great thing about having a five year old is that you never have to wonder what they are thinking. I often wonder why they are thinking about that, but there is no answer. I wish I could capture all these random wonderings before they get suppressed by me, his friends, teachers, bosses and social acceptability.
A typical 5 minute drive to Gran's house.
"Which is more important, the brain or the heart" "So without one you would die" "Can a beaver cut down a tree?" "is the Eifel Tower made of metal?" "Can lava breakdown the Eifel Tower" "Which was the last Dinosaur left alive" "Why do we have meat eaters" " I can spell cot C  O  T" "Is Jesus dead" "Why does dvd not work in the cd player?" " How does a dvd work?" "2 sleeps until my playdate" "Superman can't be in real life because he can fly, but Flash can because you can exercise to run faster, Batman can also be real" "Could Superman live inside a volcano if only kryptonite can kill him" "Can a King Cobra kill you?" "You can be an Alligator wrestler but not a crocodile wrestler because that is dangerous" " How does the movie get from the satellite to the TV?"
Look we are here!
It is exhausting. He is also not happy with answers that don't sound logical. Grunts and non commital noises are unacceptable. Full undivided attention is the only acceptable behaviour. I try, but there are certain days when I just can't take the talking anymore. At least once a week I declare that we are to have a silent drive, no one is to talk until we have passed 3 traffic lights. We often make 1 which is enough time for me to take a deep breath and the guilt start to seep in that I am suppressing his spirit and reducing his potential. Then I start a conversation to try make myself feel better and make up for my short comings as an impatient mother. His need to talk overwhelms his need to sulk and remind me I have ruined his thought process. During our minute of quiet time, his head filled with 10 more thoughts that he is bursting to share.
Before I fetch from school now I hydrate, get my sugar levels right and look around at all the kids being fetched by car services and remind myself how grateful I am that I can fetch my kids and get to hear all their random questions and thoughts, soon they will keep them to themselves and I will be competing for their attention.
There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million. ~Walt Streightiff 

Playing Roses and Thorns

When I read parenting articles I always get something out of it. If it just reminds me to do things again that haven't for a while. At a restuarant watching kids jumping on the castle, reading an article on separated parents. They spoke about playing Hi/Lo or thorns/roses with your kids regularly. When the boys came to eat their pizza's (I mean vegetables and water), I thought yes lets try this. I get blown away every day as to how much I underestimate my boys emotional maturity. 5 year old yes, expected answer. But then when my 2y11m answered, it made me a little teary that he could understand the idea of the game, and that I had never done this before. His Rose was seeing the big snakes in reptile shop, his Thorn when friend Nic pushed him at school.
The holidays came and went and as with all resolutions this game ended. Then suddenly I had some school redusal and tears, so decided to try again with more longevity. As it turned out my youngest was being hit by his friend regularly and was causing the problem. Discussing it with his teacher etc lead to problem being resolved and back to smiles. As always positive results leads to consistency.
My oldest is has taken to this and each night in bed he asks me what mine were for the day. Self reflection is not that easy, but when you get a response " I didn't know that made you sad" I realised that kids maybe need to know sometimes how they can impact on your day, or even that other things are also important to you.
Driving home from holiday, on my own with 2 kids in car, a bit anxious. I ask boys and get the response that there was nothing bad about the holiday, they enjoyed all of it. With a smile I could then focus on the road because it was worth every kilometre.

Lego, the love the pain

While interviewing actors they always ask if they identified with the character they played. I have never identified with any character more than Lord Business in the Lego Movie. I feel his pain. But at the same time I love the time we spend in cloud cuckoo land creating.
There are days when I have searched online for local Lego mom support groups. The emotional conflict towards Lego is tiring. I love Lego for what it is, for what it is to my boys. They can spend hours and hours playing Lego. From building with instructions to creating fighter jets and buildings. I enjoy building Lego, definate sense of achievement when you see this amazing firestation build from tiny pieces. But that is the problem, the tiny pieces, everywhere, all over, in every room.
Our Lego journey started with Duplo, amazing toy. You can put it in a big box, haul it out regularly, it rebuilds quickly and it packs away. Then my husband rescued is cake box of Lego he had as a boy from his mothers cupboard. This is when the joy and the pain began. When a child is left alone with a box of mixed Lego, the only thing to do is tip it out. No biggy, I always put the Lego on my special Lego mat, easily lifted and poured, the dustpan and broom can easily pick up any escapees. But then birthday after birthday, christmas after christmas the generosity of all leads to the slow build up of our Lego World. My son and I have a dream of one day creating a room that is Lego City. Will Farrell got to play in our dream. This dream is what lead Lord Business to the temptation of crazy glue. Once you have rebuild a ambulance more times than you can think, and worse once you have located, sorted and then rebuild the ambulance again more times this is when you start having crazy glue fantasies. Once you have sorted and sorted and sorted through mounds of lego you get to a point where you need to sort and separate in order to maintain your sanity. My sorting project is a work in progress. It started with sorting into colours, good but vaguely effective. Then moved into sorting into piece sizes in draws, more effective. Then moved into sorting mini figures into people and accessories. My recent sort is a mini figure stand, each figure has a place with all accessories. This all seems super until the 2 year old walks in and after a short trip to the loo and a boil of the kettle, you find empty draws and trays and a lego volcanoe of pieces, with heads, legs and arms that is a depiction of Dantes Inferno, a not so Divine Comedy. This is when mom turns on her heel to lock
herself in the toilet and cry. But... Everything is Awesome!

Jugerbomb for the soul

Yes, Jugerbomb bomb for the soul. Who would have thought a drunken dress up night out with your mates could go so far to heal that emotional tumble dryer.
We have been talking up this 30th for weeks now. In a way it is sad how excited a bunch of 30 year old parents can get for a night out on the town. In my world with excitement comes the ever existent mommy guilt. Now in a rational brain and not a mommy brain, the thought process would be; you have had your kids at home for 6 weeks over the christmas holidays and you deserve a special night out. The other factor is that my husband also deserves a night out with his wife and not his children's mother. Regardless before any such event I feel nervous guilt, questioning my responsibilities to my children.
This past week was filled with emotional turmoil. My baby started school for the first time. After 2 1/2 years of being home with mommy, the day arrived. I have been talking up this day for months, laughing it off saying that my christmas day is when I drop both kids at school and run from the gates screaming my new found freedom. In reality it is a day I have been dreading. I equate having to forcibly remove a child from you that is clinging on for dear life screaming "no mommy, I want to come home with you" to ripping a small piece of your heart away. Yes, I know I know, children have to go to school and they will enjoy it, they will thrive on the stimulation blah blah blah... This mommy does not cope well. Listening to all the advice being dolled out over past week, I am still wondering what actually is the best thing to say to that mommy sitting in her car in the parking lot sobbing. My friend had same situation this week, while she was telling me, I caught myself regurgitating the same drivel I had to endure all week and yet still can't come up with a good one-liner.
While managing your emotions of the event, you also need to take into account the feelings of the older child. My oldest started Grade R this week, this meant he moved into "big school". As excited as he was, it came with those butterflies of the unknown. He told me in car on way school that doesn't actually think he is ready and needs a few more days to prepare himself for school. I listened to myself telling the boys all these wonderful things about school while trying not to vomit from the anxious knot in my tummy.
When the school bell rang on Friday I was so relieved that we had all survived the week and were now a little stronger. I could move my thoughts to the problem of the outfit. I love dress up parties. I feel that you should go to some if not a lot of effort for the person that is throwing the party. But, the theme of this particular party showed off some unfortunate side effects of my mommy worry, that being the extra 20kg that does not squeeze so easily into the CEO and office Ho theme. Thanks to the team at wonder bra that unintentionally I am sure designed bras that help you put all that excess into a cup and squeeze it together to form some semblance of a cleavage that can put a big tick on fancy dress box. Outfit sorted, kids dropped at granny and daiquiri in hand to numb the rising guilt about leaving my baby for a night after he has had to endure being left at school against his will all week.
While dancing to some loud cheesy music with a strobe flashing in my eyes, surrounded by people that are just all excepting, I found the answer to the sobbing mommy in the car. I woke up on Sunday morning, a little hung over, feet blistered from squeaking some takkie, satisfied from great drunken uninhibited sex feeling like human again. So sometimes you just need to throw those granny panties on the floor put on something uncomfortable and go and be... I have titled mine Jugerbomb for the soul.

Sex Ed! What should we really be teaching our kids?

I was eavesdropping on my 5 year old playing house with his cousin, had a laugh at the role play but it does beg some questions. The girl was mommy and my son daddy, she spent the whole game complaining about how much house work she had, and without listening to a word she said my son asked her to pour him a drink. Is this what we teaching our kids what marriage is about?
We were discussing at book club (the source of all knowledge) when is the appropriate time to start teaching our kids about the birds and the bees. 3 was suggested starting age of basic anatomy getting more detailed with the years. Research I have done suggests always being prepared as they will ask at the most random times. This got me thinking what I was taught, I can remember a book with cartoon sperm, a talk and a bad PACT skit/play at school, and my mother saying that if cant do it in public you shouldn't be doing it. Did this really prepare me, I am not sure.
I read a blog written by a dad wishing his daughter has great sex in her life, not locking her behind a chastity belt. Not promoting promiscuity, but yes, sex is awesome.
We spend so much time complaining that our husbands should be more intuitive, knowing when we need a glass of champagne, when to be left alone, when to be hugged, when to put the kids in the car and disappear for an hour or two. We expect alot from them in the bedroom as well, they need to know when we want to be cuddled, when we want to be thrown on the bed for a good Rogering and when to sleep in the other room with very little definate input from us. Reading some articles in mens magazines by men commenting on why Christian got women dripping like a perculator, majority concluded that women secretly like to be dominated or that women are materialistic. I wanted to shout at these articles saying no no no. It was signing off each email differently, rubbing soothing lotion on her bruised ass, and other such acts. Treat her like the most important person in the universe and you can do whatever you want to her in the bedroom.
So... How do I teach this concept to my boys? Is it possible to teach this, or is it nature? I have started with old fashioned chivalry. What should we be teaching our daughters? How do we help them create a world that just a little better?