Sex Ed! What should we really be teaching our kids?

I was eavesdropping on my 5 year old playing house with his cousin, had a laugh at the role play but it does beg some questions. The girl was mommy and my son daddy, she spent the whole game complaining about how much house work she had, and without listening to a word she said my son asked her to pour him a drink. Is this what we teaching our kids what marriage is about?
We were discussing at book club (the source of all knowledge) when is the appropriate time to start teaching our kids about the birds and the bees. 3 was suggested starting age of basic anatomy getting more detailed with the years. Research I have done suggests always being prepared as they will ask at the most random times. This got me thinking what I was taught, I can remember a book with cartoon sperm, a talk and a bad PACT skit/play at school, and my mother saying that if cant do it in public you shouldn't be doing it. Did this really prepare me, I am not sure.
I read a blog written by a dad wishing his daughter has great sex in her life, not locking her behind a chastity belt. Not promoting promiscuity, but yes, sex is awesome.
We spend so much time complaining that our husbands should be more intuitive, knowing when we need a glass of champagne, when to be left alone, when to be hugged, when to put the kids in the car and disappear for an hour or two. We expect alot from them in the bedroom as well, they need to know when we want to be cuddled, when we want to be thrown on the bed for a good Rogering and when to sleep in the other room with very little definate input from us. Reading some articles in mens magazines by men commenting on why Christian got women dripping like a perculator, majority concluded that women secretly like to be dominated or that women are materialistic. I wanted to shout at these articles saying no no no. It was signing off each email differently, rubbing soothing lotion on her bruised ass, and other such acts. Treat her like the most important person in the universe and you can do whatever you want to her in the bedroom.
So... How do I teach this concept to my boys? Is it possible to teach this, or is it nature? I have started with old fashioned chivalry. What should we be teaching our daughters? How do we help them create a world that just a little better?

I'm swimming in the rain, what a glorius feeling, I'm happy again.

I have mentioned before my lack of good motherly discipline when it comes to doing fun things, today was no exception. We woke up to grey skys and leaky clouds. We were blessed with an amazing electric storm last night, lightning, thunder and a downpour. My boys love the rain, it sends an excited energy bolt through them. It started with my 2 year old, that is yet to be convinced by homosapiens choice to wear clothes regardless of the temperature, jumping on his bike with his Flounder hat going for a ride in the rain. I donned my dri-mac and off we set. Neighbours giving me the helpful medical advice that my kids will catch some rain virus and end up in a slow sneezing painful lump on the couch. I thank them for their concern and continue my race through the big puddles splashing. Back at the house the 5 year old decides swimming in the rain will rock this rainy day. I don't mind a good goof during a monkey's wedding, but on a London pisser takes a bit more. So I set my boundaries, I will swim with you but you jump in first. Off we go, 2 year old in armbands an birthday suite, 5 year old whooping at prospect. Cannon Bombs away! We are swimming in the rain, what a glorius feeling, we are happy again. Half an hour later, blue, boys wrapped in towels run back to house for hot chocolate and marshmallows, I jump into a hot shower. That sting of hot water on icy cold body after bombing, jumping, diving, and underwater scare game is invigorating. Choosing to spend the day in the pool, riding bikes, on the slip n slide, splashing in puddles, rewarded with hot treats beats sitting holed up in front of the tv anyday! I am off to bed with a big tingling smile!

Mmmmm...Good Question???

Every parenting book gives us the advice to prepare yourself for the sex questions, so that we can answer appropriately and without creating a big fuss. So far I have fielded these relatively well. What I did not prepare for were questions on race and racial issues. Being brought up in South Africa may have made us a bit more edgy about answering these. I am really irritated with myself about my hesitation and lack of preparation. My now 5 year old usually spurts these out on the trip home from school, one of the biggest reasons why I do everything to ensure I take and fetch from school. We spend many hours of our lives watching builders build, anywhere that has an active building site I get convinced to stop and watch. After watching the builders pouring concrete for the foundations of the new school aquatic centre we hopped in the car, lunch box on lap, ready for trip home which consists of blissful silence or a rundown of school events or a game of ask the awkward questions.
"Why are all the builders the same as my friend A?" "What do you mean by the same?" "They are all brown." Now instead of simple truthful answers sticking to all learned principles, mind realing with 10 different explanations, I went with the stupid and senseless which does not satisfy anyone. Lucky can distract 5 year olds easily and bank it for a better day.
The following day I was somehow coerced into having 2 boys around for a play date (when I write these it points out that my kids really do manipulate me). Due to the excessive heat slip n slides and pools were the game of choice. Sitting on the patio eating lunch in life guard mode, my domestic worker was telling me how fascinated she is by the kids swimming. I told her to grab her lunch and come sit with me and she can watch the kids. Being much older than me, therefore brought up in what we term the old South Africa, this goes against what she has done all her life. But she does it. So we sitting chatting, she asks me about the race of the boys. I explain that the bigger boy is Zulu and the smaller boys dad is coloured and I think mom is Indian. She laughs and says when she was young she would never have thought a maid would be sitting eating lunch with her madam watching a rainbow of kids play together without any thought. Thinking back to the previous day, and my reluctance to answer race questions, these kids are so fortunate and we must do everything to keep these kids in the same prejudice free mindset as they grow. I love being South African living in South Africa because we have made real change for the better.

PikiTup Mondays

Mondays are associated with going back to work, long haul to the weekend and general blueness. Not in my house, Mondays are dustbin collection days. The dustbin truck arrival creates much excitement. The dog usually alerts us to its presence first. Followed by squeals of delight from the boys. Racing to the door, garage open, exploding out toward the rubbish collectors. Of course mom has to be there too. The hum that wafts off the dustbin truck hits you as you step into the road.Then they wheel the dustbins and attach it to truck, pull the lever and the dustbin lifts and tips the contents into the truck. For a 2 year old this simple action is like a teenage boy watching cheerleading practice. For mom, the dustbin juice that has been bubbling in the hot Jhb sun for the week is set free to attack the olfactory senses. If this was the end of the experience it would be manageable, but no no. The dustbin men then hop onto the truck and move onto the next house. Yes we are now following closely behind within in smelly distance. A big up to the PikiTup guys, they notice this interest and as a change in their dull existence they start to interact. First step is letting the boys pull the lever that tips the bin. Then they notch it up a level, grab the boys, plonk them onto the runner board, jump up to hold them and whistle some coded dustbin man lingo that means go. My heart leaps into my throat, torn between let your kids experience things have fun, and OMG you are going to fall off, be ridden over and die. Now I am forced to follow closely behind on high alert to perform a supermom dive catch and roll should they fall. Thankfully it is only 500m around our complex. When we get to the end I feel relief but the boys have had so much smelly fun! We stroll back to our house and I love to listen to them retelling the tale of the trip on the dustbin truck. You feel so proud when they then announce that they are going to be Dustbin men when they grow up, that private school education is money well spent. Back inside to wait another week filled with adventure until the truck returns.
Go check out FB page Little Boys Rock.

Yebo Gogga

Silk worm season is in full swing! This is marked by the trail of mothers making the trek to the closest Mulberry tree each afternoon to feed these critters. It is amazing how much joy and fear such tiny things can bring. I was alerted yesterday morning by a blood curdling scream from my domestic worker, "It's escaping ...". Hurtling down the stairs to find one of the silk worms has climbed out the box in search of some leaves on the lid. Now anyone that has attended school or has boys knows, you know that the biggest mistake you can make is to show any degree of fear for anything in their power. The look in my boys eyes of pure excitement when they realised that the scream was not from anything life threatening but has the potential to terrorize. My 2 year old immediately picked up the escapee and proceeded to chase my maid around the house shouting Whaaaa and pretending to throw the worm at her. I have never seen anyone so happy to see the end of a workday.
I learnt many years ago that no reaction elicits no joy and they move on rather quickly (I learnt some years on that it equaled gal pal and not girlfriend too, but let's not deviate). This has stood me in good stead as a boy mom but sometimes they catch you unaware. My 2 year old has picked up on this and is becoming too good at the casual. Last week I give him his lunch, he says thanks and very casually "here mom" handing me something, without thinking I take it, expecting a stone, leaf, toy or some snot; no no the random object starts wriggling and as I open my hand it flies up at me and away. I shout in fright and drop all I am holding. Recovering, all I see is this naughty naked cherub doubled over with laughter. I still have no idea what it was.
I felt after this I was wiser to his capacity for mischief but was not prepared for the pure excitement of bugs to land in my lap. Sitting outside on the road supposedly watching the kids riding bikes, actually engrossed in my FB newsfeed, somewhere in distance hearing rumblings about snails but not paying much attention, until, a large slimy snail gets plonked onto my iPad screen, coupled with squeals of snail mom, snail. Joyful, thank you, having just read about being grateful for any gift your child gives you.
My oldest is less intrigued by smaller crawlers but super stoked by larger reptilian kind. I regularly indulge this, so it was time for our holiday outing to the crocodile farm. A place where he gets to hold baby crocodiles, a range of snakes, some dragons and a few others. But refuses to hold the Tarantula. The 2 year old quite the opposite would not hold the croc or snake but allowed this arachnid full reign. This trip had some extra treats in that we got to watch a few feedings. The pythons whom rarely move from what seems like a constant slumber are rather quick to strike at a chicken (Roadtrip movie highlights flashing through my brain, a time before my channels entered the 300's). While all the other kids look at crocs and move onto the play area, my eldest spends the entire time just watching these large reptiles. At least this time we got to see a feeding and some vigorous croc mating to keep mom entertained.
This last week has increased my fear that one day it won't just be an ice-cream tub of silk worms but a snake in a cage and a Tarantula in a box, and I am positive that my domestic will not stick around.  

"Today was my best day"

"Today was my best day", these were the words of my son tonight in bed after his 5th birthday party. This has been a long awaited party. My oldest has a very one tracked mind, he plans ahead for events, looking at each aspect and discussing ways to get each dream to be a reality. His birthday is of course the big event of the year. For the past 2 months (would have been longer but mommy may have gone bonkers), each day we look at the calender count sleeps to his birthday, then go through how the day will pan out. "We will wake up, open presents from Mom, Dad and brother, then we will have breakfast flap jacks stacked up with a candle on and sing happy birthday, then we will play with the new presents, put brother to sleep and rest, pack car and go to firestation, we will set up tables, then friends will arrive, we will play for a bit, then go slide down the fire pole, ride in fire engine, spray the water, then blow candles out and cut the cake, then play a bit more, then friends will go and we will give them party packs, then go home and open all my presents". Yes, we did this everyday and sometimes more than once. Included in this is his birthday wish list. He loves catalogues, he will pour over them for weeks, if you want to treat him just bring the latest lego or ToysRUs catalogue home and he is in heaven. From these and numerous trips to various shops he develops his wishlist. It is comprehensive and specific, grandparents are allocated the gift that he would like from them. You would think that it would change often as he saw new items, but no, once he has decided nothing else will budge his choice. This leaves us in a mad scramble to try get the exact make model and colour to try fulfill his wish.
This may sound like what a brat, you get what you get and be grateful. I would normally agree but as with everything it comes down to how he handles the situation. This morning he looked for the present that was what he asked for, with a huge smile he and a thank you thank you thank you it makes it worthwhile. The present that wasn't exactly to his specifications, got a Thank you I love this one and I know you tried to get the Spiderman one.
My concern this year was sibling rivalry issue, how is the 2 year old going to be, and is the birthday boy going to go into selfish mine mine mine mode. I was floored, my 2 year old grabs a present and starts ripping at the wrapping, my heart was sinking because don't want to ruin this pleasant day, birthday boy turns and says " it's ok if he opens some, just show me what it is when it is open". This demonstration of tolerance was tested and again shocked me to the core when his brother took the gap and blew out the candles during the second hooray. I stopped breathing for a second, waiting for the complete ass collapse, when all was quiet we quickly relit them and he blew them all out.
After a full afternoon of activity and festivity we got home and our house turned into a tsunami of toys and still peace in the land. I quickly put 2 year old in bed. Lying in bed with the birthday boy debriefing, he says he loved everything, getting wet with the hose was not his fabourite but it was fine. He says he got everything he wanted and it was the best day!
It is days like these, when your kids are perfect that make you want to give them the world with a cherry on top. I love making what happens in their head happen in life. The months of planning, the annoying daily mantra about his birthday plans, everytime he has asked for a toy, everytime he has hit his brother, every rude remark he has made just gets washed away. Today was my best day too!

The Curse of the Mommy

Got a WhatsApp from friend saying she was of to do some "me shopping". Sent back appropriate emoticon and thought nothing more. Then pics start coming through of cute baby grows, baby shoes and the cool new boys range. I had to laugh as she has The Curse of the Mommy. It is so hard to switch off. I go to shops to get my self a new top for the dinner function on the weekend, come back with 3 new t-shirts for each boy and some new pajama's with a cape, and no top for me. It is not exclusive to the retail environment. Many times I am driving alone in the car and randomly shout out "Digger", then embarrassed and relieved that no one can hear, or worse is only adults in car who think the crazy chick next to me is strangely excited by Fire engines, Dump trucks and double decker buses. Before I had kids, I was driving with a manager, she suddenly phoned home and told her son that she saw a blue Subaru that he loves. I thought this was very random until I got caught by the curse.
Many book club discussions have yielded the hypothesis that Dad's for the majority don't suffer The Daddy Curse and may even find The Mommy Curse an irritation, and visa versa. They don't take every opportunity to spend every waking moment about the kids. I have to arrange specific Mommy Breaks to get away. Joined a book club to unashamedly drink wine mid week, grab a spa opportunity when it comes, and ditch the kids with Nana to go grocery shopping alone (sadly this is considered a mommy break, very unglamorous).

I try give my antenatal class mommies a sense of it. They are worried about what work will do without them for 4 months, should they do a course during maternity leave so not to waste it. I try get them to ensure they have plan B and C in place for if they don't want to return to work. This is scoffed at, work is my life and shall never be replaced. 4 months later replaced by tears of not wanting to return.

I call it a curse because despite our moans and groans we would not give it up for anything or anyone. All it takes is your 2 year old to bring you a leaf and rock, " I picked these for you mommy".