I was lying on my couch on Sunday afternoon in my half hour Dad's home and grandparents are here bliss. My mom in law offered to make coffee and tea. Despite my horizontal bliss I jumped up, dont be silly I will make it. Partly because it is polite to make guests coffee but largely because I have come to cherise my coffee time, and tea drinkers dont make good coffee.
One of my favourite times of day is around 11h30, oldest at school and toddler is down for day nap, and I make myself coffee. Something I have learnt the hard way and is a teaching point in my antenatal and postnatal classes is the timing of the cup of coffee. As you sneak out of the room avoiding the creaky floor board, silently close the door and take a deep breath; you might be tempted to do the chores before you sit down, DON'T! Dont unpack the dishwasher or do invoices or anything else. Turn on the kettle, sit down enjoy your coffee first because may be the only time you get.
Even at a restaurant that hot yummy cappuchino can be elusive. All is going well until the waiter arrives with the cup in hand. Your kids appear out of no where, they were happily playing on jungle gym 30 seconds ago, now they are on your lap with spoons in hand. The invention of baby chino's has done wonders for the hot cup of coffee. Sugar all over the table, half milk spilt at least you get a fighting chance at that coffee.
Forget the chores, forget work and just sit and have your coffee.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Friday, March 8, 2013
Mothers Guilt Oh She Is A Bitch!
I heard my one year old waking from his midday sleep and I quickly ran and gave the maid the monitor and bolted for the car. Well sleep is a strong word, when it takes an hour to put him to sleep and 20 min later he is awake again, I think power nap is a better description. Jump in car and rush out the garage. I dont even make it to the gate when the guilt hits me with full force. I stop the car and decide if I should go back and get him, I then think that it will take 15 min to get him changed and in car then I will be late in fetching my 4 year old from school and he will be upset. I decide that just keep going as quicker without him.
Guilt is a subject of my thoughts a lot these days. I got so upset watching Private Practice the other night, here I am running out on my son and these people, yes on TV, daughter has been stolen and they might never get her back. I should spend every waking (which is more than necessary) moment with my boys.
Then I have good days, my son arrives at school on dress up day, dressed in his home made Peter Pan outfit and all teachers gush over the inventiveness of costume and applaude me for the simple outfit that he clearly helped me make. With a beaming heart I look at other kids costumes, then I see the kids whose parents did not dress them up today. The sad looks on their faces makes me want to cry. I am not sure why they are not dressed up, did the parents forget, were they too busy, do they lack means or simply not care. I wish I could have brought extras for them. On way home I wonder if my guilt on leaving my son for 20 mins, or not putting them to bed every night when I work nights or the worst is that monthly book club drinking guilt laced wine, is actually selfish because most parents dont have options. Their kids have to go to creche or spend all day with the nanny. Maybe the guilt is heightened because of this, I dont work so I should spend all day uncomplaining with my kids.
Chatting to a few other moms I notice it is not uncommon. Guilt over working, not working, sending kids to school early as baby 2 is on the way, not breastfeeding, having a c-section, not carrying baby to term, not allowing teenager to go to party ... Even my mother still has guilt and we are all grown up feeling guilt over our own kids.
All the websites, someecards, psychologists, FB pages and those in the know say forgive yourself you doing a good job, but sure that I will run out on my kids, hide in the bathroom and continue to feel guilty.
Guilt is a subject of my thoughts a lot these days. I got so upset watching Private Practice the other night, here I am running out on my son and these people, yes on TV, daughter has been stolen and they might never get her back. I should spend every waking (which is more than necessary) moment with my boys.
Then I have good days, my son arrives at school on dress up day, dressed in his home made Peter Pan outfit and all teachers gush over the inventiveness of costume and applaude me for the simple outfit that he clearly helped me make. With a beaming heart I look at other kids costumes, then I see the kids whose parents did not dress them up today. The sad looks on their faces makes me want to cry. I am not sure why they are not dressed up, did the parents forget, were they too busy, do they lack means or simply not care. I wish I could have brought extras for them. On way home I wonder if my guilt on leaving my son for 20 mins, or not putting them to bed every night when I work nights or the worst is that monthly book club drinking guilt laced wine, is actually selfish because most parents dont have options. Their kids have to go to creche or spend all day with the nanny. Maybe the guilt is heightened because of this, I dont work so I should spend all day uncomplaining with my kids.
Chatting to a few other moms I notice it is not uncommon. Guilt over working, not working, sending kids to school early as baby 2 is on the way, not breastfeeding, having a c-section, not carrying baby to term, not allowing teenager to go to party ... Even my mother still has guilt and we are all grown up feeling guilt over our own kids.
All the websites, someecards, psychologists, FB pages and those in the know say forgive yourself you doing a good job, but sure that I will run out on my kids, hide in the bathroom and continue to feel guilty.
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